First a bit of history.
-2005. THE TSUNAMI: THE WORSE YEAR OF MY LIFE. I was going through a terrible depression due to my grandmother's death in december 2004. Because of that and many more issues of insecurity, fear and inadequacy I quit my job as fitness manager, left London and went to live in Madrid where my older brother lives. It didn't workout and I left to Barcelona where I met a guy I've been chatting with on Gaydar from Amsterdam. I began to do drugs for the first time in my life in regular bases GHB, Ecstasy and Cocaine.
-2006. A SLOW DEATH: I was diagnosed HIV positive in March 2006. I didn't care. I felt as if I deserved my punishment and I just wanted to die. Doctors said I could live for up to 20 years in good health. I didn't care. I knew I was going to be dead in less than a year. I began the total collapse of my life.
-2007. THE END: October 24, 2007: I had an OverDose in October 2007 with Crystal-Meth and experienced the famous light at the end of the tunnel.
2007. THE BEGINNING: I came back with a new perspective, a complete new vision of life. Didn't need rehab. I continued smoking weed. Began to have some sort of spiritual connection very powerful but confusing. didn't know what to think of it.
2008. THE BIG BANG: 21th March, 2008: I discover the dissident story about HIV www.rethinkingaids.com and stop my treatment after 1 week of starting.
2009: LIVING HELL. Doubts, questions, illness, diarrea, meditation, yoga, weakness, darkness, hope, dreams, more confusion, more doubts, more fear... a lot more.
2010: SOME LIGHT HAPPENS: I began to get used to pain, I can begin to have a normal life without people knowing in the hell I'm living. I pretend to be happy, I pretend nothing happens. I began to teach Kundalini Yoga and Spiritual Coaching from Home.
2011: THE JOURNEY: I know something radical needs to happen. I cannot continue pretending. I'm suffering, I don't know what's true or not. My doubts are killing me. My fear is greater than my faith. I need to do something BIG. I give up all my possessions and leave to the Mexican jungle to live or die.
2012: 211212 THE BIG ALIGNMENT: In January 2012 I fell ill with pneumonia and swine flu. I said "I want NO DOCTORS". I was ready to die in peace and surrendered completely. If my body couldn't live I had no intentions to change that. I could not believe in the Orthodox version of HIV. IT SIMPLY MADE NO SENSE TO ME but my mind and spirit were too weak to believe fully in the conspiracy theory. I DIED
2013: IAM READY: IAM NO PROPHET: After a series of events and awareness, changes of consciousness and physical states. I had a total rebirth, a total reboot of all my energy, whatever that is I. Somehow, at some point following my Intuition Only, I transformed and one day I knew it was time to test again. Went to a privet clinic and had the test done, Invented everything, all my history,my name, my sexual preferences, life history, the blood it still the same....and it came back NEGATIVE. Did 2 more tests, with the same results. One within the NHS....came back negative, doctors say I'm a "MISTAKE IN THE SYSTEM" I say "OK"
TODAY OCTOBER 10TH, 2013.
Almost 6 months after those results. I can say the results changed nothing in me but meant the confirmation I was looking for. I am the Master of my destiny and with Discipline and Power of my Mind and Spirit I can transform myself in anyway I need and want.
The transition has been easy, sometimes I forget I'm not 20y/o anymore and need to be mindful of my age and current limitations but in reality I feel as if I were 21 all over again. Im gaining muscle mass like never before, I could eat a horse every day but I'm loving my vegetarian diet. I sleep very well and wake up full of energy. I have no addictions and have stopped all weed and alcohol. besides the sporadical joint or glass of wine. Iam happy, healthy and fearless.
I fully believe we do not heal from HIV. since there's nothing to heal. But in our minds we believe in a virus and that is all the healing we need to do. YOGA, MEDITATION, ASCENSION, APPRECIATION, CONTEMPLATION, VINDICATION, GRACE AND LOVE... That's how I did it.
If we can heal the wounds of fear we can heal anything.
www.emris333.co.uk
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